


The Dating Lives of NRC Students and Other Stupidly Dangerous Things

by allgoodsaiyansdeservetails



Series: Twisted Tales From Twisted Wonderland [3]
Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Background Poly, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, NRC morals are not earth morals, everyone's relationship status: it's complicated, nobody at NRC has ever been on a date, yes that is gail edelstein in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allgoodsaiyansdeservetails/pseuds/allgoodsaiyansdeservetails
Summary: Deuce accidentally writes a love letter instead of a letter of challenge and puts it in Jade's locker. The collateral damage includes two days of Ace's life, more of Yuu's dwindling sanity, and Floyd's already non-existent impulse control. The entire concept of dating was a mistake.
Relationships: Deuce Spade/Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade/Jade Leech, Floyd Leech & Jade Leech, Floyd Leech/Ace Trappola
Series: Twisted Tales From Twisted Wonderland [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014828
Comments: 108
Kudos: 70





	The Dating Lives of NRC Students and Other Stupidly Dangerous Things

The whole thing is Deuce's fault. Ace was happy to let bygones be bygones, but a few weeks after the exam notes fiasco, Deuce gets it into his head that he needs to avenge his honour. Wipe clean the slate of defeat, or something like that. So, because Deuce is still basically a delinquent, he writes a letter of challenge and addresses it to Jade Leech. Unfortunately, he writes that letter on bubble-covered stationary he borrowed from Yuu and puts it into a formal envelope he got from Riddle, which makes the presentation feel more like a love letter than an invitation to a fight. Judging by what Ace is reading over Deuce's shoulder, his wording will not help that impression any.

“'I hope this letter finds you well?” Ace reads mockingly. “'Are you free Friday afternoon? I will be waiting for you outside of Octavinelle Dorm at 2 PM to resolve our unfinished business.' How romantic!”

“It is not,” Deuce hisses, covering the rest of his draft with his arm. 

“If you sent me that letter, I'd think you were asking me out.”

“I'm gonna beat him up!”

“Sure,” Ace drawls. “Why are you only writing to one of them, anyway?”

“Because he's the one who suckered me into that deal!”

Sounds stupid to Ace, but it's not like he can change Deuce's mind. So, you know, it's whatever. Ace goes off to live his life and Deuce puts his dumb letter in Jade's P.E. locker. Unfortunately, Jade is not alone when he finds the letter. Floyd's there too. And Vil. And Cater. And Kalim. And that one guy from Pommefiore with the swirly glasses that Vil hates. Obviously Ace was not there, but he has a Magicam account, and Cater liveblogged the fallout. Needless to say, by the end of Wednesday, all of NRC knows that one of Heartslaybul's foremost problem children asked Jade Leech on a date. And Jade Leech accepted.

“I told you,” Ace says that evening in the common room.

Deuce yanks at his hair, his face absolutely beet red. “I don't understand! I laid my feelings out clearly!”

“You told him you'd be waiting under the cherry blossom tree.”

“It's a good landmark! Easy to spot!”

“You wanted to visit the Arena together. And then go to Mostro Lounge for dinner.”

“So we could fight in a proper ring! And – and eat after fighting!”

Ace can't hold back his chuckles anymore. “You're seriously hopeless! Ah, I can't wait to see the look on Jade's face when he finds out you wanted to fight him!”

Deuce freezes in place. “I can't tell him I sent him that letter because I wanted to beat him up. Shit.”

Ace stops laughing. “Why not?” 

“It'll hurt his feelings!”

“Uh, yeah? I thought you wanted to hurt him.”

“Physically!” Deuce squawks. “I wanted to break his nose! I didn't wanna break his heart!”

“Whoa there,” Ace says. “I think you're getting ahead of yourself. There's no way that guy has a heart to break.”

Deuce puffs up with rage. It's hilarious, except that he's suddenly all up in Ace's face, which. Eep. “What the hell, you bastard! Peoples' feelings are fragile! Don't look down on a maiden's love!”

“M-maiden? What maiden?”

Hurricane Deuce does not answer that question, because Hurricane Deuce has no breaks and no chill. “There's no way I can tell Jade the truth! I'll just have to actually go on a date with him!”

Ace throws his hands up. “Why? You hate him!”

“A good man treats even his enemies with honour,” Deuce says, and that, apparently, is that.

* * *

“Oh my god,” Yuu says when they hear the next morning. “He's so stupid.”

“I know,” Ace whines, resting his cheek on the lunch table. Deuce is late, so Ace feels no fear gossiping about him. In fact, Deuce is probably still asleep. He stayed up late fretting about date plans. Idiot.

“We're gonna have to help him.”

Ace looks up. Or, as up as he can without actually raising his head. “Hah?”

“He's gonna die if we leave him alone,” Yuu says. “So clearly we need to follow them and make sure the date is a success.”

“What? Why?” Ace asks, alarmed. “What if the date goes too well and Jade wants to go out again? If that happens, Deuce will explode!”

Yuu freezes up for a moment, a haunted look in their eyes. “I – I don't think that'll be a problem. Jade is definitely taken.”

“Yeah, but what if he wants another boyfriend?”

“Is that a thing here?” Yuu asks. “Is this another totally normal, not at all weird part of the Night Raven College experience?”

Ace frowns at them. “What, polyamory? That's normal everywhere, right?”

Yuu's stare gets even more hollow, if possible. “I wanna go home.”

“Like hell, you need to help me plan this!”

“So you're on board with Plan Save The Date now?”

Ace scoffs. “No. I just wanna make sure we have everything in order for when you spend all afternoon stalking them, Prefect.”

“You can say you're worried about Deuce, you know.”

“I'm not worried!” Ace is all set to explain at length how very not worried he is, but then Deuce bounces up, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and Ace has to stuff his sandwich in his mouth instead. 

The rest of the day is weird. Everyone keeps staring at Deuce. Most of them look like they're questioning his life choices, but some of them seem jealous. Jack walks up to them in the halls between classes just to give Deuce a silent nod and a manly shoulder pat. Deuce nods back, his expression perfectly stoic. 

“What was that about?” Ace asks as soon as Jack is out of earshot.

Deuce puts his fist over his heart and closes his eyes for a moment. “A gesture of support.”

“I seriously don't get you.”

“That's because you're an asshole.”

“I am not!”

Anyway, Deuce spends the whole day determinedly going about his business despite the invisible spotlight on him. Yuu stays with, because Yuu is a bleeding heart. Ace does too, but only during class hours. As soon as the last bell rings and Professor Trein turns them out into the world, Ace is free. He celebrates by running straight to the cafeteria and getting another sandwich, which he enjoys in blissful silence. And then, because Ace is an awesome friend and nobody deserves him, he goes to ask some people what you're even supposed to do on a date with an older guy, anyway. 

He soon realizes this was a mistake. Night Raven College is the most prestigious of magic schools – it is, no matter what those losers at RSA say about it – but that means that it's full of magic nerds. Their idea of a good time is hitting the textbooks harder than usual. They think dating is for the weak.

Wait. If Azul and the Leech twins have hooked up long-term, they've probably been out at least once, right? But he can't ask them for help. It'd be like putting chum in the water and expecting the sea serpent not to bite you. Also, Deuce might be holding a grudge against Jade for talking him into dumb shit, but Ace is placing the blame where it belongs: firmly on Azul's shoulders. Screw that guy. Ace hopes to never talk with him again unless Yuu is running interference. And Floyd? Floyd's just scary. Yeah, Ace'll take his chances with the rest of these dumbasses. 

Unfortunately, that leaves him with nobody to ask for advice except, well, dumbasses.

Lilia. Lilia should be helpful. He's married, right? Or has been married, or will be married, Ace honestly wasn't paying attention. He just knows that Lilia has been in a relationship at least once, and marriage isn't the same thing as dating, but you do at least have to get to know a spouse, right? Right. 

“Go horseback riding together,” is Lilia's first suggestion.

“Uh, no,” Ace says. “Nobody goes riding horses these days unless you're super rich. Also, don't mermaids hate riding?”

“My, how the times change. This old man can hardly even keep up.” Despite his mournful tone, Lilia is still smiling brightly. “And that's a common misconception, but in my experience merfolk are generally agreeable as long as you don't take them too far off the ground.”

Ace thinks of Azul's broom hugging the grass in P.E. and snorts. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Well, if riding won't work, I recommend running through the forest and competing to see who can slaughter a target with their bare hands first.”

The scary part, Ace thinks, is how reasonable Lilia sounds when he says this stuff. “No. Definitely not. Deu – I mean, the guy I'm trying to help out – hates hurting animals.”

“Pick a human target, then,” Lilia says, still smiling.

Ace begins inching away slowly. Why did he think it was a good idea to ask the fae about date ideas, again? At least Lilia lets him sneak off without too many more uncomfortable suggestions. Sadly, this sets the tone for the rest of the day. 

Sebek squawks like a peacock and starts firing spells, apparently under the impression that Ace is trying to ask out Malleus Freaking Draconia. Ruggie gets a weird look on his face and tells Ace to ask Leona, which, ha! As if. Ortho doesn't even know what a date is. The one ugly guy with the glasses in Pommefiore says an ideal date should involve exploring mutual interests, and also taking pictures of anything that looks beautiful or interesting. Then he goes on a rant about the importance of finding beauty in our creations rather than ourselves and how art is the only thing that truly matters, anyway. Unfortunately, he does this in earshot of Vil, who lets out a velociraptor screech and vaults a fence to get at him faster. Glasses guy immediately takes off running and Vil follows in hot pursuit. Ace makes himself scarce. 

Sorry, Deuce, Ace knows he was finally getting some good advice, but he just doesn't love you enough to get in the middle of that.

When evening rolls around, Ace has learned nothing, except that Lilia is terrifying. He limps back to Heartslaybul defeated.

“Are you all right?” Deuce asks from where he's being aggressively mothered by Trey, brothered by Cater, and Riddled by Riddle. “You look kinda down.”

“Nobody at NRC has ever been on a date,” Ace says glumly, and goes to his room.

There's no helping it. He really will have to take matters into his own hands. Or rather, Yuu's hands. Yuu's the professional problem-solver around here, anyway.

* * *

The next morning outside Ramshackle Dorm, Ace hisses, “What do you mean, you can't stalk them?”

“I'm so sorry,” Yuu says, bowing their head and cringing. “Something came up.”

“'Something came up?'” he repeats, making air quotes with his fingers. “This is Deuce's life we're dealing with here!”

“I know, I know. But Malleus asked me to meet him, and he's really having a hard time dealing with stuff right now–”

The second that name is spoken, Ace's outrage vanishes. “Say no more. Please. Go have fun with the scariest guy ever. I'll just stay right here and mind my own business.”

Yuu frowns at him. “You're going to follow Deuce alone, aren't you?”

“No,” Ace says, like a liar.

“Be careful,” they say. “The twins are meaner when Azul isn't there.”

“I know.”

“Just – maybe keep a lid on your inner asshole for today.”

Ace rolls his eyes and stalks off. He has a solid three hours before Deuce starts getting ready. That gives him plenty of time to brood about Yuu's weird relationship with Malleus Freaking Draconia. Seriously, how did even happen? Are the two of them dating? Maybe Ace should've been asking Yuu for tips yesterday instead of wandering around like an idiot.

Three hours later, Deuce and Riddle's raised voices start ringing through the walls, so Ace rolls off his bed and prepares to walk into the lion's den. Someone needs to break that row up before it can rolling, and it's not going to be Trey or Cater. As usual, it's up to Ace to save the day. Or deflect Riddle's fury onto himself. Whatever works.

Look, as long as nobody gets a tacky collar, anything goes.

The problem is simple: Deuce enlisted Cater's help to find a cute outfit, but Riddle wants him to wear body armour if he insists on going. Cater's upset about Riddle treading on his territory, i.e. fashion. Deuce is upset about Riddle treading on his pride. Trey is brandishing tarts in hopes of calming things down. Ace comes in on Trey's side and waxes poetic about how good the tarts are until Riddle storms up to him and drags him into a corner.

“This is no laughing matter,” Riddle hisses. His little hand is wrapped right in Ace's shirt collar, dragging him down to Riddle level. It kinda hurts. “Deuce is in real danger.”

“I know,” Ace hisses back, “but he's also stubborn and he thinks he knows what he's doing. The harder you push for him to be careful, the more careless he'll be just to spite you.”

Irritation, frustration, and resignation pass over Riddle's face in rapid succession. “What would you suggest, then?”

Ace shrugs as much as he can in this position. “Dunno yet. Gotta adapt to things as they come at you. But I'll keep an eye on him, so don't fret.”

“I wasn't fretting,” Riddle grumbles.

“You were totally fretting, Prefect.”

“I wasn't!”

“Sure,” Ace drawls.

Riddle glowers at him, then drags Ace back to the group by his collar. “You'd better treat this more seriously than you treat your schoolwork.”

“Hey!”

Things go quickly after that. Deuce leaves the dorm in a Cater-approved ensemble: white shirt, black slacks, grey jacket, cute dangly hair clip, and a spray of sparkly glitter around his eyes to make that spade marking shine. He's gorgeous. It's really unfair that he doesn't dress up like this all the time. Ace leaves the dorm about five minutes later in his school uniform, because that's what he usually wears and it's low-key. Also because he's too lazy to change. Sue him, he's not going on a date today. He follows Deuce across campus with his hands in his pockets, hiding his pen and the illusion spell he's projecting through it. If anybody looks, he's just leaves drifting in the wind. 

Not that anyone's there to look. There are always fewer people about in the afternoons. The first years are done classes already and are now frantically studying; the upperclassmen are still in the middle of their day. Well, most of them. The real nerds, the ones the teachers like, often get out early in exchange for keeping the profs in the loop on their research. In the case of the Leech twins, Ace prefers to believe they have blackmail on the staff. Genius is as genius does, but it really sucks to admit someone you hate might be that smart.

Ugh. There Jade is, waiting just outside the mirror leading to Octavinelle. Deuce is already halfway to the cherry blossom tree when he notices his quarry. No, his hunter. No – ugh, now Ace is confusing himself. Deuce literally stops dead in his tracks, mouth open, which is just being overdramatic.

Jade looks... good, Ace guesses. If you're into tall boys with sharp teeth and hands that could crack a skull with a careless flick of the finger. Actually, that sounds like exactly Deuce's type, especially the strength part. No wonder Deuce got himself into this mess, Ace thinks grouchily, and then wonders why he's feeling so annoyed.

God. He better not be feeling jealous of one of them. Doesn't matter which, Ace doesn't think he can deal with that right now. Especially now that they're done the obligatory little 'did you wait long' dance and are now walking off together. He puts that little emotion firmly out of his head and follows. From a distance. Safer that way.

...he doesn't remember Jade being quite this big. The mermaids guarding the museum were bulky and had long tails, but they weren't huge. Not like Jade is, with his broad shoulders and solid core, long legs that don't quite glide over the ground but don't exactly not-glide, either. And that's not even starting on the spidery hands, too-long fingers linked gracefully behind his back as Deuce shepherds him forward. Speaking of which, what the hell is going on there? Deuce is pretty built, but next to Jade, he looks like he's made of spun glass. He shouldn't be fluttering around Jade with wide eyes, touching Jade's shoulders to get his attention. He shouldn't be touching Jade at all. Doesn't Deuce realize how easily Jade could kill him?

Look, it's not like Ace is just throwing accusations around. He did his research after the last time he faceplanted into Octavinelle's bullshit and Azul called him an ignorant racist. He knows most mermaids don't lure humans into the water to eat them. But he also knows for a fact that the twins have definitely eaten human flesh before, which might have something to do with why he's here, peeking around a magi-phone relay, while Jade and Deuce walk up to the arena. The ring is empty right now, but they're replaying some of Diasomnia's greatest tournament hits in glorious 3D. Deuce is definitely into it. Jade, though... 

Ace frowns and scoots a little closer. It's no good. He can't read Jade's expression at all. 

“The hell are you thinking?” he whispers, straining to make out any tells. Just one involuntary facial twitch, he's begging you. Those hands better not move, though. If Jade puts one finger on Deuce, Ace might have to do something they'll both regret.

“I should be asking you that, Mr. Crab,” a distressingly familiar voice purrs just above Ace's head. “Whatcha doing out here alone, eh?”

Ace yelps on reflex and flails backward, because his instinct when someone pops up behind him is to assume his older brother is being a dick. Unfortunately, the person standing behind him is not his older brother. Huge fingers snap around his wrists like iron. No matter how hard Ace struggles, he can't budge them. And now he belatedly realizes he's given away his position. Mistakes have been made. “Hi, Floyd.”

“Hiya, crab.” Floyd Leech smiles down at him, all teeth. Damn, he's tall. He'd be so pretty if he didn't have the mouth from hell. But forget that, Ace is still worked up about how Floyd snuck up on him. Doesn't he make any noise when he walks? Scratch that, doesn't he even give off body heat? Ace is pretty decent at fire magic, which means he's good at tracking people by heat, but apparently Floyd runs cold. Even this close, there's no warmth to him. 

“I'm, uh–” Ace's head goes inconveniently blank. “–definitely not following anyone, that's for sure.”

“Really?” Floyd asks, stretching the word out until it's all vowel. He doesn't sound upset, but there's something unsettling about the lilt of his voice. “'Cause it looked like we were doing the same thing.”

Oh no. “You... were stalking someone?”

“That's mean.” Floyd crowds closer, driving Ace deeper into the corner. “It's not stalking if I love him, right?”

“Pretty sure that's the definition of stalking.” When Deuce vanishes from sight, Ace's heart freezes up, but it's no good – he'll give himself away if he uses magic, and he's no match for Floyd's raw strength without it. Soon enough, Ace's back hits the wall, and Floyd is blocking all the light. Why the hell are mermaids so strong?

“So mean. You come out here, you follow my brother, and now you lie to my face.” Floyd sighs. The smile drops from his face, replaced by a sullen malice. His golden eye shines eerily in the dark. “How cruel, crabby.”

“I'm not crabby!” Ace snaps on reflex. Mistake. Ugh, he's so off his game it isn't even funny. This is all Deuce's fault. “A-anyway, I'm not doing anything, so hurry up and let me go. It'll be a hassle if they go and leave without us.”

That was a stab in the dark, but finally, one of Ace's moves pays off. Something like pain flickers through Floyd's mismatched stare. In that moment, he looks more injured than he did in any of the fights Ace has seen, including that time when Azul Overblotted and almost strangled Floyd to death. “They won't leave.”

Ugh, vulnerability. Ace has a love-hate relationship with it. On one hand, it's so much fun to mess with people who believe him. On the other hand, he has a pathological fear of getting splashed with other peoples' emotions. That's why Deuce is so annoying – he's chronically incapable of not feeling things all over the place. Riddle, Leona, Azul – they at least had things together enough to bottle up their emotions properly. Ace thought the Leech twins were the same, except better at it, 'cause they didn't lose their shit and get possessed by said bottled-up feelings. That's why it's only now that Ace wonders what Floyd thought about his other half being asked out by someone else.

It's an unpleasant thought. He changes the subject immediately. “Wow.” Ace grins, trying to hide the weakness in his knees. “Possessive much?”

Floyd... pouts. “I'm not possessive.” Yeah, that's definitely pouting. Funny how it doesn't actually make him any less intimidating. Just a little cuter. Kinda reminds Ace of Deuce. “I just want everyone to know Jade's mine.”

“That's pretty possessive. Also unnecessary. I don't think there's a single person here who doesn't know what you two are like.”

This fails to cheer Floyd up. His grip on Ace's wrists tightens a fraction, but that's already too much. Ow, ow, Ace is gonna have bruises. “But that mackerel went for him anyway. So irritating...”

“I-isn't Jade the one who said yes?” Ace squeaks. They're too close. Pain sparks behind his eyes, which is a cue that the wires in his brain are starting to cross. If this keeps up, he might have to start enjoying it, and nobody wants that, right? Right. “Shouldn't you be mad at him?”

Floyd blinks his droopy eyes, bemused, totally indifferent to Ace's suffering. “There's no point in being mad at Jade. It just makes him stronger.”

“Yeah, okay, that sounds fair.”

“It's Jade,” Floyd says simply. “Nothing is fair.” It's an awful thing to say, but he looks so calm. Accepting, even. 

For reasons Ace can't really explain, he hates that expression. It cuts right through the haze that's starting to settle over his thoughts. He sighs, short and vicious, and grumbles under his breath. “Ugh, this is all Deuce's fault. Why do I things for him?”

“You don't.”

Ace jerks his head up, a cutting retort on his tongue. Floyd shushes him and keeps talking.

“You're a selfish crab. You hate doing things for other people.” It's said without a trace of judgement, but Ace bristles anyway.

“So what? It's not like you're a prize, either! You're not even here to protect Jade, just to make sure he's not looking at anyone else!”

A thin, confused frown. “Eh? That's not it at all. Jade looks wherever he wants. I just wanna make sure we're looking at the same thing, you know?”

“Huh? What the hell, that's not possessive. I thought you were in some kinda protective rage.” How disappointing. For a second, Ace thought – ah, forget it, it's so stupid he doesn't even wanna dwell on it. He tugs at his trapped wrists pointedly. And then again, when Floyd fails to let him go.

“I get it,” Floyd says, still not letting Ace go. “You're here for him.”

It takes Ace a second to realize who 'him' is. In his defence, they've been talking about Jade for ages. Ace almost forgot Deuce was even there. And now he's lying even in his own head. He's always painfully aware of where Deuce is, for better or worse. “Did you think I was here for Jade?”

“Seems like all the fish of hearts are swimming after Jade,” Floyd mutters darkly.

“Well, I'm not!” Ace says loudly. It's even true. “I'm here to make sure Deuce doesn't get himself killed poking you two with a stick! So step off my dick, okay?”

“I didn't even have a chance to step on it,” Floyd complains, but something inside him has loosened. Ace opts to dwell on the sudden brightness of his eyes instead of Floyd's impeccably clean dress shoe grinding down hard in a very sensitive area. There's nothing appealing about that mental image, okay? There isn't! 

He tugs at his wrists a third time and is finally freed. “Good talk. Let's not do this again.”

“Aw.” Floyd droops, mood flipping instantly from relieved to disappointed. “Even though we have so much to talk about?”

“Like what?” Ace says on autopilot, fixing his cuffs. Yeah, definitely gonna bruise. “Shitty stalking skills? Awful taste in guys?”

“Wasn't stalking, and also, fuck you.”

“Whatever. Where are they, anyhow?” He's counting on Floyd either having some kind of weird twin connection with Jade or just being tall enough to lean around the corner and spot them. 

“Still watching,” Floyd says without looking away. “They're having fun.”

“Figures,” Ace mutters, and stomps that pang of jealousy right down. “Who cares? They can be happy if they want to. We're having tons of fun over here.”

A considering look. “You wanna?”

“Have fun?” Ace thinks for a moment, then snorts. “Sure, whatever. What's on the menu? More stalking?” He actually hopes it's more stalking. This whole thing has been distracting enough. If something happens to Deuce while he's distracted, he'll – he'll do something, that's for sure. 

Floyd laughs, low and mean, and swoops back down. Ace opens his mouth to protest. Said protests are swallowed when Floyd's mouth closes on his. Teeth dig hard into soft tissue, carelessly cruel. It's not like Floyd is trying to hurt Ace. He just doesn't care enough to avoid it. That's... kind of hot, honestly. Suddenly Ace can see why Deuce was getting all fluttery earlier. Though if Jade tore up Deuce's mouth the way Floyd is wrecking Ace's, Ace might have to cut him. 

Augh, why is he still thinking about Deuce at a time like this? Ace wholeheartedly embraces the lightheadedness of oxygen deprivation. Maybe, if he's very lucky, Floyd will suck all the air out of his lungs and Ace will never have to actually face the implications of these thoughts. He doesn't want to live in a world where he's more violently protective of his – Deuce – than the Leech twins are of each other.

Finally, Floyd breaks the kiss. He doesn't actually pull back much, though. Just looms there, licking the blood off his face, while Ace tries to catch his breath. 

“What was that for?” Ace demands as soon as he's able.

Floyd hums cheerfully. “Maybe I just wanted to take something from Mr. Mackerel.”

“Wh – Deuce and I aren't even together!”

That gets him a frown, for some reason. “Hah? You're awfully slow on the draw, crabby. Do you need some tips?”

“I...” Ace licks his lips and looks away. Tastes like blood. Blood and bad decisions. “Yeah, sure. Not like he's gonna be much help. Whatcha got for me, you creepy cannibal?”

“Give him food and tell him he's good at things,” Floyd says promptly.

That's... alarmingly sensible. 

“And then kill his enemies where he can watch.”

Ace sighs and leans back, letting his head thunk against the wall behind him. “Yeah, that's more like it. Ugh.”

At this right, he might as well just sucker Deuce into a murder-suicide. It'd probably work better than all the advice he's gotten so far.

“Don't be angry at the mackerel,” Floyd says. For some reason. “He's not like Jade, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Ugh, now that the sparks are fading, his mouth hurts every time he talks. This really was a bad idea.

“He doesn't do these things on purpose to mess with you.”

“I know,” Ace repeats. “It's because he's an idiot.”

“Right!” Floyd grins, all his terrible teeth stained red. With Ace's blood. That's... kinda hot, too, to be honest. Ace wonders how Deuce would look in his place. “Shall we go, then?”

“Huh? Go where?”

“We've kept them waiting long enough,” Floyd says for some incomprehensible Floyd reason. “Come on, come on, let's go!” He doesn't even wait for an answer before wrapping an arm around Ace's waist and hauling him up off the ground.

Ace squawks and pounds at Floyd's shoulder, but it's no good. Feels like he's hitting a moving statue. Did his illusion spell go down? After a belated check, he confirms that the illusion spell is definitely down. Great. After a couple seconds of panicked thought, Ace crosses his arms and pretends this was his idea. “Just so you know, you are terrible.”

Floyd pats Ace on the head like a cat and whistles cheerfully. Ace puts up with it until he realizes where they're headed. The second he sees the Mostro Lounge sign, he starts struggling. 

“No, no, no! We are not going in there! Put me down this second!”

Needless to say, Floyd waltzes right on in, past the startled servers, and makes a beeline for the table Jade and Deuce are sharing. Ace is a little brother, so he doesn't have to stop fighting for a second while he makes sure Deuce is okay. Fortunately for everyone, Deuce looks fine, if a little confused. Jade is also trying for confused, but his eyes are glittering at some private joke. Which, you know, fuck him then.

“Here we are!” Floyd sings, plopping Ace down right next to Deuce.

“Ace?” Deuce says, like an idiot. He turns away from Jade immediately. Jade doesn't even protest, just snickers behind his hand. Suddenly, Ace has a sneaking suspicion that Jade knew what the deal was from the beginning, and he was just sitting back to watch everyone make fools of themselves. Wow. What an asshole. Floyd is welcome to him. “What're you doing here?”

“Oh, you know how these things are. I just couldn't keep myself away from you.” Ace hisses as soon as he's done speaking, because his lips are basically shredded. 

Deuce stiffens. Dark eyes narrow, and for a second, Deuce looks genuinely dangerous. He reaches out with gentle fingers, tilting Ace's chin up for a better look. “Who messed up your face?”

“Why?” Ace asks. “You gonna ask them out on a date, too?”

“No!” Deuce snaps, still holding his face. The sheer protectiveness in that gesture is... nice. “I'm gonna make them pay!”

Pfft, as if. The twins would eat him alive. But Ace's stupid, stupid heart skips a beat, and that's the moment he gives up on this entire disaster. Why couldn't Deuce have accidentally asked Ace on a date? They could've had fun trying to out-boyfriend each other. That would've been nice. Simple, too. Maybe Ace could even let himself wear a stupidly sappy, accepting face like Floyd did earlier, even if Deuce messed everything up again.

“This is all your fault,” Ace says sourly. Ugh. He's getting hives just thinking about it.

Deuce stops being intense and scowls at him instead. “The hell was that for?”

“Nothing.”

Ace can already hear the Leech twins laughing at them.

**Author's Note:**

> The Pommefiore student with the glasses who exits pursued by Vil is Gail Edelstein, created by @twsty-lav.tumblr.com. Sorry for putting him in this nonsense fic. I definitely did not do him justice.


End file.
